THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
