Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
