If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
