margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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