Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
