just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
