Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
