Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
