conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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