I smell stomach acid.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
