I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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