Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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