i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
