? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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