Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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