Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
