My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
