I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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