I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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