I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
