Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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