This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
