I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
