hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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