Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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