thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
