I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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