i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
