I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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