you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
