Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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