Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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