What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
