i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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