I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
