She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
