its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
