so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
