So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
