Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
