she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We don't watch enough power rangers
This is classic penis vs brain.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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