my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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