Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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