I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
