I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
