Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
