I think I died a long time ago.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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