this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
