Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
