Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
