I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
