then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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