i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
