My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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