Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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