Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
