I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
