was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
