sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
