we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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